2am. Wake up and panic that we haven't fed Tiny. Realise she's still asleep.
3am or so. Tiny wakes up. Feed Tiny. Change nappy. Tiny decides it's time to play. Persuade her it isn't by putting her in swaddler. Tiny resists. Tiny goes back to sleep. Brain decides it's time to play. Realise it's 9 am at home. Check email.
4am. Check email again.
5am. Go back to sleep.
6.30am. Small demands milk. Ignore him
6.50. Give up and give him milk.
7am. Feed Tiny in the brief interval before Small demands breakfast with menaces.
7.30 or so. Small has now finished his brief period of playing nicely for the day.
9am. Realise that we have not yet dressed Small or ourselves, or showered, and that we are due to go out. Unsure where the last 2 hours went.
9.30 am. Argue about who is ready to go out, and whether we have time to feed Tiny again.
10am. Go out to some activity. We do have a weekly schedule, including a church "moms who shop" daycare, swimming, the zoo, and the library.
11am. It is close of business at home, despair of getting any news today.
11.30 am at the latest. If we have been outside, it is now too hot and we go inside for lunch or home.
12.00. Waiting for lunch. Small is yelling "food coming" and throwing cutlery.
12.30. Lunch arrives. Tiny demands a bottle.
1pm or so. At home, Small down for a nap.
2.15. Praying that his nap will last. One of us has possibly gone to the supermarket, in which case he will definitely have a short nap and wake up grouchy.
3pm. Small is probably up, throwing all his toys, and being told not to pull his sister's arm (no idea why this seems appealing to him). If we are lucky, he is also "helping" to sweep the kitchen/sort the laundry.
4pm. Decide it's cool enough to walk to the mall/dollar store/throw a ball around the garden/that you really do feel like filling the paddling pool.
4.15pm. Small is tired and hot and yelling Up! Up! Or you are deeply regretting the walk as you are tired and hot. Or Small has got bored of the paddling pool within 5 minutes of you taking 10 minutes to fill it.
4.30. Wonder how long it is till bedtime. Small throws more toys while we feed Tiny.
4.45. Small has been sent to his room for the 10th time. Half his toys are in our bedroom.
5.00. Give in to demands for Tumble ipad. Or Big Bird Elmo.
5.10 Small says "No dis one! the End!" after every scene.
5.30. Decide to make Small his own dinner and get adult takeout.
5.50. Small eats the meat and carbs and says "all gone". Say you'll help him. Put 1 cubic mm of potato on a spoon on top of a carrot. He eats both (For which we are eternally grateful).
6.10. Bath and running around naked.
6.30. Drinking milk on nappy change mat while kicking parent. Repeated walking out of room until he stops.
6.45. Small rejects all possible stories including all his previous favourites. Is told he will have story X or no story. Forcible teeth brushing. Asks for kiss from Mummy, Daddy and Tiny.
7.00. Order takeout. Go and collect takeout. Small demanding more soft toys. Cannot see Small under toys. He then demands cars. Refuse.
7.30. Arrive home with takeout. On entering apartment, Tiny smells takeout and demands milk. Eat takeout one handed.
8.00. Boil water for formula, watch Breaking Bad, drink alcohol. Tiny demands song and dance.
9.30. Persuade Tiny to have more milk.
9.45. Tiny in swaddler.
9.46. Parents in bed. Read 3 pages of relaxing book.
Midnight. Awake and panic that we haven't fed Tiny. Realise she's still asleep.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
(Yes, they do seem just as long to us...)